Computer Helpline Drama

There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired.

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I know why they record these conversations!): 

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?' 

Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.' 

Operator: 'What sort of trouble??' 

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.' 

Operator: 'Went away?' 

Caller: 'They disappeared.' 

Operator: 'Hmm So what does your screen look like now?' 

Caller: 'Nothing.' 

Operator: 'Nothing??' 

Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.' 

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??' 

Caller: 'How do I tell?' 

Operator: 'Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??' 

Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?' 

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?' 

Caller: 'There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type.' 

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator??' 

Caller: 'What's a monitor?' 

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??' 

Caller: 'I don't know.' 

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??' 

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.' 

Operator: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. 

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??' 

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable.' 

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer.' 

Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??'

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??' 

Caller: 'Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark??'

Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window. 

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller: 'I can't.'

Operator: 'No? Why not??'

Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.' 

Operator: 'A power...A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now.

Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??' 

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.' 

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?' 

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too f --- ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!'