Coming Out: I can't Update My Name Right Now

It's time. I've had this post in the back of my mind for the past twenty-nine years, and now the time is right. Time for me to put on paper my long regret, in order for me to move forward.

I refer to who I am, deep down. Who am I? In short, I am Pat Burke. Since 1985, I have used the Irish version of my name. I like the Irish language; in fact, I like it very much! However, the reason behind my decision at the time is filled with confusion, and as the years rolled by I continued to be haunted.

Journey back with me, please. I had been teaching in Dublin since 1978, using my given name, Pat Burke. Mr. Burke. I started my second teaching job in West Waterford in October 1985. . A strange thing happened on the day I was signing my contract. A certain local priest, who shall remain name nameless, visited my home. As I was ready to sign the agreement, he mentioned that he had a favour to ask. He said that he would like it very much if I were to use the Irish version of my name, Pádraig de Búrca. Now, it needs to be said that I applied for the job as Pat burke, and I was informed in writing that I was successful. The letter is in my name, Pat Burke. I feel certain that he was flying a kite; that this suggestion came from him alone, and was not in any way associated with the Board of Management of the school.
Fast thinking time...and to my regret I agreed. I felt really that my choices were limited. In 1985 Catholic Ireland, what the priest wanted he usually got! So, I started 22 years teaching in West Waterford as Pádraig de Búrca. Immediately, I discovered that I was in reality two persons! My parents and family knew me as nothing other than Pat. In fact, all of my schoolboy fiends did likewise! I was a schizophrenic! Monday to Friday at work I was Pádraig, and everywhere else I was Pat. Shortly afterwards, in order to rectify the situation, I changed my name officially to the Irish version. Within months, Pádarig de Búrca was on all my correspondence, and as I began to integrate back into Dungarvan life, I became known as such. Many many people became very confused.
I joined the Dungarvan Badminton Club as Pádraig, met my future wife as Pádraig, and as the years again rolled on I joined Dungarvan Cycling Club as Pádraig. Understandably, the transition was a difficult one for my parents, siblings, cousins and school friends.
Interestingly, my wife and I adopted a slight variation. I did not like Pádraig, as it has a very rough gutteral sound (for anyone unfamiliar with the language the phonetic pronunciation is "paw-drig"). The d in the middle really bugged me, and so we used Páraig (paw-rig) at home! More split personality issues now.

In or about 2010, my family brought up the anomalies with me, and I was glad that they did. I was happy once again to be called Pat by my mam, and my brothers and sisters (dad had passed on). Some had a tough time getting used to the initial change, and equally found it easier just to stick with Pádraig. Some rowed in with my Páraig variation , while some were more comfortable with Pat. Today, Mam calls me Páraig, as does Maire and Ber and Elaine. Ray calls me Pádraig, and Michele calls me Pat. Micheál calls me sham, but if pushed to decide, he'd likely go with the majority. My nephews and nieces are completely confused.

So, let me put this to bed. I have long-standing regrets about my 1985 choice. My name is Pat Burke, always was, and always will be. The Irish version of my name really is not me. So, what happens now?

Realistically, I am not going to change my name back again. I know so many people through teaching, friendships and local involvement with several clubs and organisations that it would be very impractical. My darling wife calls me Páraig, and this I like almost as a term of endearment as it originated only between both of us. I have several close friends who call me Páraig, and this too pleases me. I am 100% more comfortable with Páraig as opposed to Pádraig. But, the time is right for me to be called Pat by my family. Full circle....in fact, several interconnected loops...

Footnote: I started using Facebook in 2010. Since then I've used so many variations that even Facebook itself is at its' wits end: Pádraig de Búrca, Pat Pádraig Burke, Pádraig Pat Burke, Pat Burke, Paddy Burke (don't know how I thought that up!) and currently Páraig Pat Burke. and a lovely story to finish: I joined Tried & Tested Triathlon Club, using my official Pádraig de Búrca  title. The club uses Facebook for messaging. When a member of the committee met me recently, she mentioned that she does not know what to call me, and was sure that my Christian name was Páraig Pat, as in persons using two Christian names e.g Paddy Joe or Mary Ann (should that be Mary Anne, I wonder?). I appreciated her curiosity, and confirmed that Páraig is my favourite name. Earlier today, I tried to edit my name on Facebook to "Páraig de Búrca" and use "Pat Burke as a nickname, and here is the error message that came up: "You can't update your name right now because you've already changed it too many times. Facebook is a community where people use their real identities. We require everyone to provide their real names, so you always know who you're connecting with. This helps keep our community safe." I wonder perhaps would it make a difference if I were to email / share this with Mr. Z. Perhaps I'll launch a campaign to force FB to allow more than six name-changes, without undermining safety issues! I think ten would be an acceptable number.

If you were able to follow all of that, I'd love to hear your slant on it! If you are completely muddled, that's understandable.

An Tobar Ardmore 5

Race number 4 in the Ger Wyley Sports/Skins West Waterford AC Summer Series took place in Ardmore last night, Friday May 23rd at 8pm. I took a lift up with Tom & Ray, and had a good pre-race warmup.

Mile 1: slightly downhill. I felt ok, and settled in to a nice rhythm with Kate Organ and Catherine Condon. Time 8:12

Mile 2: Going through the village, I felt the effort to stay with them too much, and they opened a gap of about 30 metres. Time: 8:39

Mile 3: I knew that this one was going to be slower as there was quite a long uphill section. I was happy to take it very easy for about 500metres before the hill, and when I got there, I pushed really hard. I was a bit surprised that I did have strength in legs to push uphill, and by the top I had closed the long gap to 10 metres. Time: 9:29

Mile 4: when I got back with both ladies, we settled in to a nice pace and kept it going. Time: 8:37

Mile 5: Just at the corner, I pushed on a little and again. I knew that there was a short tricky hill coming up. I pushed really hard again here, and even though I faded a bit on the last half mile, I was focused and able to catch three runners ahead of me by the time I got to the village. The last 100 metre sprint was a really hard effort, one that gave me great satisfaction. Time: 8:01

Overall, I am very happy with my running. In January I was at 47 minutes for the Kilmac 5, and I had very little stamina. three weeks ago in Portlaw I ran 43:21 for 5 miles, but the first mile was on a steep downhill course so it really was not a true time. Tonight, for the first time this year, I realised that my training  is paying off.

Touraneena 5k next week, and it will be interesting to get back to the shorter distance.

Photographs courtesy of Dave Coleman / John Coleman

Endurance Challenge 2068

I'm sitting in the car at Ballyduff Lower soccer club grounds, near Waterford My nephew Gary is training with the Waterford Development Squad and I've a bit of time to kill.So its my chance to do an Endurance Challenge 2068 update. The event takes place over 22 days in August and when you read what's involved it will give you that gasp factor!Here goes: 120km swim of the river Shannon, 4 marathons (one in each province) and 1780km of biking taking in each of the 32 counties. This is truly the triathlon endurance event of the year! A small number will participate in the entire programme

I will be going to the start line in Armagh for the three-day Tour of Ulster section. This comprises over 470km in the saddle as the expected 350 cyclists travel to Derry on day 1, down to Enniskillen on day 2, and returning to Armagh on the final day.
Online sponsorship charity page is up and running (two, in fact): MyCharity.ie and JustGiving, and I want to take this chance to thank those who have sponsored me already. Go raibh míle maith agaibh!

I've had several requests to include payment via Paypal. This is a very simple option if you have a PayPal account. simply send a donation of your choice to pmm5pla@gmail.com Some funds have been donated here already. Again, my sincere thanks. I intend updating my charity pages when I get a chance later.

Finally, for now, why not take the opportunity to follow my blogging for this event? Simply insert your email address on the homepage to get instant updates; or check back here whenever you want.

I'm off now to watch the rest of the training session.

Sponsorship card arrived today from head office.

Aquathon: Tried & Tested Club

I think I'm gonna lay an egg

Giro d'Italia comes to Dublin

Report to follow...

I made it to the Irish Times. Check it out. Watch for the Pink Wig at 28 seconds in!

Portlaw, Pieta, Clonea & Giro d'Italia

In the space of just over twelve hours, I've completed a trio of important firsts, and I feel that this deserves a blog post! Firstly, at 7.30pm yesterday (Friday 9th) I ran the Portlaw 5, went to the Dungarvan Darkness into Light walk at 4am, and finished it all off with an invigorating swim in Clonea to baptise my new wetsuit. In between, I grabbed a few hours shut-eye, and several hours good sound sleep after midday! 

The Portlaw 5 mile event was very well organised. Very thoughtfully, the organisers Carrick AC had us running downhill for the first mile, and this contributed in no small way to my PB time 43:55, beating my previous best by nearly two minutes. However, I am going to give myself some credit for this, as I gave it socks all the way round, finishing well satisfied with my efforts.Then, onwards home in very heavy rain after delicious food & coffee provided by the organisers. My goal now is to lose about ten pounds in an all-out assault on a possible season best in July or August. I'm taking bets on 42:00, to complete my first full season running.

I arrived home to further heavy rain and got a few hours sleep (interrupted by a mini-dream of running 41:00 later in the summer). On then to event two: my family & friends descended on St. Augustine's College for the 2014 Darkness into Light walk at 3:30am, and to listen to Conor Cusack speak about the importance of seeking help when one's mental and emotional state requires it. Help is out there, quite often from a close friend or family member; but it is important to take the brave step of unmasking and being somewhat vulnerable. Furthermore, Conor  spoke of the duty we have to be aware of the small signs that a friend or acquaintance is trying to reach out for help, and perhaps just on the verge of being unable to so so. And then we walked the 5k route back to Abbeyside, returning along the beautiful Deise Greenway to Barnawee and a cup of hot coffee at Duckspool. The dawn had come, and ready we were to face a new day! I felt the great solidarity that comes with being part of something so important, something bigger than myself, a symbolic gesture of commitment to the aims of Pieta House and those persons who my need to avail of the help they provide. I am conscious that I am not immune from such a situation, as should we all. For tonight, I was grateful to be able to lend my moral support to this wonderful cause, so much so that when I arrived home just after 6am I resolved to write about it and share my thoughts. It is this sharing of thoughts and words that is helping to lessen considerably the stigma once associated with suicide and mental illness here in Ireland. In this respect many thousands of people and several good organisations are to the forefront in encouraging a cultural sea-change. I'm thinking specifically of the Cycle Against Suicide group who are nearing the end of the massive 14-day, 1400km circuit of Ireland, speaking to teenagers at every stop along the way. Shoulder to Shoulder...

Two down, one to go. So, after a further few short hours of sleep, I embarked upon my first sea-swim with Tried & Tested Triathlon Club at Clonea. Blustery conditions awaited us for our dip at 10:30am, but in no way lessened our enjoyment of the time in the waves. There was very little swimming, because of the rough conditions, but I succeeded in baptising my new wet-suit, and had lots of fun in the process.

Home. Food. Sleep. Feet up. Tomorrow the Giro d'Italia arrives in Dublin and I have every intention of being there with my pink wig!

Footnote: Yes, the pink wig got another outing as the Giro d'Italia came to Dublin.

Feet stuck to the road

Picture copyright @FriaryCollege

I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples

.Mother Teresa